• "The rulers of the country generally believed that betting eliminates strikes. Men had to work in order to gamble."
  
  -Michael Ondaatje, Running the Family

• "Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom."
  
  -VP Pappy (A crusty old sage that still roams the Green Felt Jungles in Detroit)

• "The racetrack is a place where windows clean people."
  
  -VP Pappy

• "If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?"
  
  -Stanislaw J. Lec

• "The smarter you play, the luckier you'll be."
  
  -Mark Pilarski

• "Gaming corrupts our disposition and teaches us a habit of hostility against all mankind."
  
  -Thomas Jefferson
  Accordingly, he kept meticulous records of his backgammon and card winnings.
  

• "I am now eased in my finances and replenished in my wardrobe."
  
  -Andrew Jackson after winning a horse race.

• "I love Vegas. God knows that I know how to find my way around the buffets in Las Vegas."
  
  -Rick Majerus, Utah Utes college basketball coach

• A problem gambler was urged by a counselor to take the 20-question test for compulsive gambling. Upon completing it, the subject commented; "Boy, Gamblers Anonymous must be hard up for new members. They make qualifying so easy."

• A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
  
  -American Proverb

No Eggheads Allowed