• "Stop cheating!" the dealer told the card player.
  "I'm not!" claimed the player.
  "You must be," said the dealer. "That is not the hand that I dealt you."
  

• "Suckers have no business with money anyway."
  
  -Canada Bill Jones, Legendary Three-card Monte Dealer

• "Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry."
  
  -George Ade

• "At that point I ought to have gone away, but a strange sensation rose up in me, a sort of defiance of fate, a desire to challenge it, to put out my tongue at it. I laid down the largest stake allowe-four thousand gulden-and lost it. Then, getting hot, I pulled out all I had left, staked it on the same number, and lost again, after which I walked away from the table as though I were stunned. I could not even grasp what had happened to me."
  
  Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Gambler

• "If I had the money and the drinking capacity, I'd probably live at a roulette table and let my life go to hell."
  
  -Michael Ventura

• "Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed."
  
  Mark Twain

• I hope to break even this week. I need the money.
  
  -VETERAN LAS VEGAS GAMBLER

• The Wampanoag Tribe has a machine, and they say, "It's completely idiot proof." I told them they've got it all wrong. I want a machine that is "idiot friendly."
  
  Former Massachusetts Governor William F. Weld

• "The subject of gambling is all encompassing. It combines man's natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future."
  
  -Franz Rosenthal, Gambling in Islam (1975)

• "Why otherwise would that dignified fellow dressed like a banker be sitting at a machine murmuring; "Talk to me baby, I know you understand my needs."
  
  -Roger Fleming

No Eggheads Allowed